They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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