My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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