she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
