This girl is more easily done than said...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
