Your face is a jimmy john
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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