i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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