i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
