Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
