He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
