i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
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New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
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Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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