I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
