is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
