my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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