and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You may now shotgun with the bride
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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