Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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