FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
