Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize