I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
