Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
