do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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