She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
