but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
