They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
