It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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