My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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