I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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