Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
