M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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