I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
