so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
