I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
