she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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