areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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