we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
sex in a hospital.. check
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
