So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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