I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
