I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
