Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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