headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
