yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize