Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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