She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My vagina just recognized that song.
Someone shattered a urinal.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
