sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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