youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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