Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
