Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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