it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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