I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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