We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
