Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
