You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
