I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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