Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize