help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
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If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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