Old men and throwing up are my life now.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I fill condoms, not promises.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
last night I used snow as a chaser
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
