Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
they're like a gay fantastic four
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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