If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
