Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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