i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
