i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
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Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
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We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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