Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
