So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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