My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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