i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
