K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He shit in the fireplace
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
