Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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