I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
