overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
