Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
