theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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