you traded sex for a burrito?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
