I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
