it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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