Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
