I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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