I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
