did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
