He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
